**For all English students, Secondary/High School and above.**

Version 2 (22 May 2019) – added examples below.

I must admit my bias – I quite like and enjoy the resources from Purdue University’s Online Writing Lab (OWL). The resources’ stated year of birth is 1995.

You can find some useful tips and examples below!

Strategies for Variation. (no date). – https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/sentence_variety/index.html

Verbs: Voice and Mood. (no date). – https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/active_and_passive_voice/verbs_voice_and_mood.html

For Repeated Subjects or Topics. (no date). – https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/sentence_variety/for_repeated_subjects_or_topics.html

Choosing Passive Voice. (no date). – https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/active_and_passive_voice/choosing_passive_voice.html

For Similar Sentence Patterns or Rhythms. (no date). – https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/sentence_variety/similar_sentence_patterns_or_rhythms.html

[Situational writing e.g. formal letters, emails] Levels of Formality. (no date). – https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/using_appropriate_language/levels_of_formality.html

Examples

*Repeated Subjects or Topics

Original: South Yorkshire in England once thrived on coal. Now they face an uncertain future with the shutting of the Maltby colliery.

Revised: South Yorkshire in England, which once thrived on coal, faces an uncertain future with the closure of the Maltby colliery.

Inspired by: The long, slow death of the UK coal industry. Mark Seddon. Thu 11 Apr 2013. The Guardian. UK.

Original: Oil prices are shooting up. The government would be under pressure to cut excise duty on petrol and diesel to help soften the impact on consumers.

Revised: As oil prices hike, the government would be under pressure to cut excise duty on petrol and diesel to help soften the impact on consumers.

Inspired by: Government under pressure to cut excise duty on auto fuels: Icra. (29 Dec 2017). The Economic Times. India.

* Sentence Patterns / Rhythms & Subject location

Original: Advergames are advertiser-sponsored video games which embed brand messages in colourful, fun, fast-paced adventures which are created by companies for the explicit purpose of promoting their brands. Advertising has effectively broadened to include a comprehensive range of activities—television advertising, marketing on the Internet, product placement in television programs, films , and DVDs, computer and videogames, peer-to-peer or viral marketing, supermarket sales promotions, cross promotions between films and television programs, use of licensed characters and spokes-characters, celebrity endorsements, marketing in children’s magazines, outdoor advertising, print marketing, sponsorship of school and sporting activities, marketing on mobile phones and branding on toys and clothing.

Revised: Advergames are advertiser-sponsored video games which embed brand messages in colourful, fun, fast-paced adventures which are created by companies for the explicit purpose of promoting their brands. Indeed, advertising has effectively broadened to include a comprehensive range of activities—television advertising, marketing on the Internet, product placement in television programs, films , and DVDs, computer and videogames, peer-to-peer or viral marketing, supermarket sales promotions, cross promotions between films and television programs, use of licensed characters and spokes-characters, celebrity endorsements, marketing in children’s magazines, outdoor advertising, print marketing, sponsorship of school and sporting activities, marketing on mobile phones and branding on toys and clothing.

[Extracted] Marketing obesity? Junk food, advertising and kids. Research Paper no. 9, 2010–11. Dr Rhonda Jolly, Social Policy Section. (12 January 2011). Parliament of Australia. 

Original: The time was 3.06pm. There was silence in the city of Liverpool in commemoration of the Hillsborough stadium disaster.

Revised – 1: At 3.06pm sharp, silence reigned in the city of Liverpool in commemoration of the Hillsborough stadium disaster.

Revised – 2: 3.06pm — silence reigned in the city of Liverpool in commemoration of the Hillsborough stadium disaster.

Inspired by: Liverpool marks 30 years since Hillsborough disaster. 1530 GMT (2330 HKT) April 15, 2019. CNN. 

*Sentence opening / variation

Original: My philosophy of education is derived from my personal experiences. I have been an educator for 4 years, and I have learned a lot from more experienced teachers in my district. I also work mainly with students from a low socioeconomic background; my background was quite different. I will discuss how all of these elements, along with scholarly texts, have impacted my educational philosophy.

Revised: My philosophy of education is derived from my personal experiences. Having been an educator for 4 years, I have learned a lot from more experienced teachers in my district. I also work mainly with students from a low socioeconomic background that is quite different from mine. In this paper, I will discuss how all of these elements, along with scholarly texts, have impacted my educational philosophy.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Original – 1: The company reported that yearly profit growth, which had steadily increased by more than 7% since 1989, had stabilized in 2009 with a 0% comp, and in 2010, the year they launched the OWN project, actually decreased from the previous year by 2%. This announcement stunned Wall Street analysts, but with the overall decrease in similar company profit growth worldwide, as reported by Author (Year) in his article detailing the company’s history, the company’s announcement aligns with industry trends and future industry predictions.

Original – 2: In 2010, the company’s yearly profit growth decreased from the previous year by 2%. This was the year they launched the OWN project. The profit growth had steadily increased by more than 7% since 1989. (They stabilized in 2009.) This announcement stunned Wall Street analysts. However, it aligns with the decrease in similar company profit growth worldwide. It also supports future predictions for the industry (Author, Year).

Revised: The company reported that profit growth stabilized in 2009, though it had steadily increased by more than 7% since 1989. In 2010, the year they launched the OWN project, company profit growth decreased from the previous year. This announcement stunned Wall Street analysts. According to Author (Year), however, this decrease exemplifies a trend across similar company profit growth worldwide; it also supports future predictions for the industry.

[Adapted] Scholarly Voice: Varying Sentence Structure. (no date / accessed 22 May 2019). Walden University.